What we think, we become. — Buddha
Die with memories, not dreams. — Unknown
Psychologist Daniel Kahneman points out that “experienced happiness” refers to your feelings, to how happy you are as you live your life. In contrast, the satisfaction of the remembering self refers to your feelings when you think about your life.
Happiness is important, but when you think about your life, you need it to seem meaningful, not merely a series of pleasant moments.
Meaning is motivational, a way of life, most noticeable in its absence, when we experience angst or despair. It’s impossible to be happy for very long when life lacks meaning and purpose.
In behavioral terms, happiness is goal-directed—we do things we think will make us happy. We do things because they’re implicitly meaningful.
A sense of meaning and purpose is a byproduct of value creation. If you have a set of core values and stick to them, your life will have meaning and purpose.
Because most of our thoughts and behaviors run on autopilot, we must retrain our brains to create value, meaning, and purpose. We do this by practicing behaviors that reinforce value, meaning, and purpose, much the way we acquire skills in sports, crafts, carpentry, and so on. The neural sequences that execute behaviors are like muscles, exercising makes them stronger.
Exercises For Meaning and Purpose
Try filling out the following questions with three responses each and review your answers every day for ten days. Then, practice the behaviors you describe for ten days.
To the extent that you’re successful, your life will seem more meaningful and purposeful.
- My life is better because I appreciate:
- I will make the following effort to see beauty in nature and creative work:
- I will open my heart to appreciate the following about friends or coworkers:
- I will open my heart to appreciate the following about loved ones:
- I will open my heart to these spiritual experiences:
- This is what I will do to protect the well-being of my loved ones:
- This is what I’ll do to nurture my loved ones (support physical needs, emotional desires, reassure, and encourage):
- This is what I’ll do to foster connection:
Review your answers daily. The practice of the behaviors you describe will become self-rewarding. You’ll get along with others more easily and like yourself better.
