Marriages thrive when partners play active roles in the relationship, paying mind to everything from the daily maintenance of the marriage to personal care in hopes of understanding yourself better for the other. In other words: It’s all about making an effort.
Do the small things right, and you’ll be a man who is, hands down, one of the best husbands.
Want to start? Well, there are several small, nice things that all of us can focus on to be happier, more present, and more attentive husbands and partners.
Men who make the best husbands do these 30 things right:
1. Talk about feelings honestly
When she asks you how your day is, tell her about something that made you upset or annoyed. Don’t just say your day was “okay,” and leave it at that. Respond. Listen. Repeat.
2. Take over for the evening
Don’t announce it or plan it. Once the kids are bathed, brushed, dressed, read to, and in bed, tell your spouse they’re ready for a good night kiss.
3. Ask about her day
Have at least one follow-up question. Then, tell her about yours. And answer her questions with more words “fine” and “eh.” Make this a habit.
4. Make a constructed effort to interrupt less
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Chances are you do it more than you realize. A good tactic: If she seems like she’s in between two thoughts, give her five seconds. If she doesn’t say anything, then speak.
5. Clean things they know need cleaning
You don’t even need to say you did it. Your spouse will notice. Do the dishes when you notice they’re dirty.
“Couples in healthy relationships take the time to play with different approaches and experience responses to get a deeper understanding and connection with each other,” relationship coach Carolyn Sharp elaborated. “When you discover household things that need doing are simply ways to take care of one another, you’ll be able to prioritize and maintain your connection as a couple.”
6. Take care of themselves
Part of the gig is staying healthy. Go to the doctor. Part of the gig is not dying.
7. Behave nicely to her friends
For no other reason than they’re her friends. Research from the American Psychological Association (APA) has shown the benefits of positive communication on health and well-being.
8. Choose honesty, even when it’s hard
Confrontation is not always bad. It’s critical to moving forward.
9. Talk about things they’re both excited about
Don’t keep her on the outside of the things you like. Also: excitement and passion are blue-chip qualities.
10. Listen and empathize
Say: “That stinks. I’m sorry.” Don’t try to fix the problems unless she asks for your advice, as suggested by 2023 research.
11. Speak her love language
Does your spouse like social media displays of affection? Then post about her earnestly on social media every so often. Even if it’s a photo of her with the heart-eyed emoji, it may not be your thing, but because it’s not it will mean more.
Relationship coach Mitzi Bockmann advised, “You might feel loved when you get a piece of jewellery as an expression of affection, but your partner might feel loved by getting to spend a full day together, just the two of you. You might feel loved when you get a hug, but your partner might feel loved if you take out the trash.
The key is learning what your partner needs to feel loved. When you learn what that is and express your love using those actions, your partner will truly feel adored and your relationship will stay healthy.”
12. Give seemingly insignificant compliments
If she impressed you by parallel parking, her lunch order, or how she deescalated a toddler tantrum, tell her.
13. Keep the love story alive
Get nostalgic about your relationship, from time to time. Reminisce about how you met. Bring it up with friends.
14. Write down things they’re upset about before vocalizing
The exercise might help you see some of the things bothering you are not worth complaining about.
15. Go to therapy
Don’t treat your wife as your therapist. If you are struggling, and she’s the only person you lean on, think about going to therapy. Therapy rules.
16. Leave sweet notes
They don’t have to be long or saccharine, they just have to be original.
17. Take on some of the emotional labour
Make decisions and plan some of the important tasks that make up the running of your household. Plan things that she doesn’t have to think about. Emotional labour is taxing and taking charge of some of the daily tasks can mean everything to your partner.
“Emotional labour can be a shared responsibility, but this needs to be negotiated between partners. While emotional labour is often the glue that holds a family and their values together, I recommend spreading the wealth and creating a more equitable home life.
Emotional labour shows up in every relationship and every personal interaction. Since it’s usually women who are tasked with (or are best at!) doing, well, most everything, having them “do it all” doesn’t promote equity and it’s not fair,” suggested Regina Lark, Ph.D.
18. Be her #1 fan
When introducing your spouse to friends or coworkers, mention accomplishments. That is, be a fan of hers.
19. Make an effort to look presentable
Shave or clean up your beard regularly. Dress nice. Don’t be a schlub. No one wants to be married to a schlub 24/7.
20. Think of her
If making something — tea, a sandwich, a cocktail — offer to make one for your spouse, too. It will mean the world that you thought of her without her having to ask.
21. Keep promises
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Broken promises break trust, as suggested by the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
22. Give her the benefit of the doubt
She’s allowed to be in bad moods for no reason.
23. Get rid of unreasonable expectations
Your partner is the person they were when you met them. We’re all striving for personal improvement, but expecting your partner to fundamentally change aspects of their personality is unrealistic and unhealthy.
Counselor Janika Veasley recommended asking yourself, “What are your limiting beliefs about love, desire, and relationships? For example, if you say you want a meaningful and committed relationship but secretly have a hard time believing those types of relationships exist, you’re going to struggle with reconciling your expectations of relationships with the reality of your limiting beliefs about them. Or perhaps your limiting belief is that you don’t believe you deserve love and belonging; thereby resulting in a pattern of conflictual relationships.”
24. Call just to say hi
Don’t text. Don’t Facebook chat. Call her.
25. Do things she enjoys, even if they’re not your favorite
When your spouse asks to go on a run together, go, especially if you hate it. She’ll know you did it just because you love her.
26. Use ‘I’ statements when fighting
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Don’t put your anger on her. Make sure she knows it’s about how you’re feeling.
27. Look for something before asking where it is
You are not clueless. You are her partner.
28. Don’t ever stop trying to do better
Be generous. Be thoughtful. Say “thank you” more than you already are.
29. Tell and demonstrate love
She comes first. Make sure she realizes that.
30. Anticipate her needs
Be aware of your spouse and be ready to provide what they need before they have to ask.
