We’ve all been there. Someone invites us to do something and we’ve just had one of those weeks where we want to go home and melt into the couch, watch bad TV, and eat snacks like we have the palette of a 5-year-old.
When they ask though, our internal guilty dialogue starts kicking up. We feel we should go, we might have fun, or we might not get another opportunity for some time.
When you get stuck in this kind of existential crisis, here are some tips on how to say no without feeling guilty.
1. Respect Your Peace
More often than not, we sacrifice things for others – work, family, and friends, to name a few. When we do get the chance to schedule time for ourselves or pour into our own cups, we should honor that commitment we made to ourselves. When we don’t allow time for mental breaks or rest, it can impact our stress levels, sleep cycles, and even how we react to others. This time is literally essential to your wellbeing.
2. Explain Your Need For Alone Time
People are typically more understanding than we give them credit for. If someone invites you somewhere and you had a prior commitment (elsewhere or with yourself), explain that to your friend. They’re more likely to accept when you’re honest versus if you just say no. Wording it respectfully can make it smoother to accept as well. You can use phrases like “I would love to, however, I already had plans to…” or “I was looking forward to some me time.” Thank them for understanding and, most importantly, don’t apologize. When you apologize, you’ll just add more guilt to your own psyche.
3. Make Alternate Plans
Showing someone you still want to make time for them will go a long way as well. Invite them along with you for a coffee before you run weekend errands or ask them to accompany you to a sporting event your kids play in. Usually, whoever asks for plans just wants some of your time and attention and will be happy to get it where and how they can.
4. Stick to It
The first few times you say no will be the hardest. Your guilt might kick in after you’ve had some time to think about it, and you may feel inclined to text that friend and tell them you’ll join. But once you’ve said no, your friend has probably accepted it and moved on. You should, too. As mentioned above, honoring your own needs and desires will help build your self love and help you in the long run.
5. Get a Calendar
It is easier to plan accordingly when we have things written down, like a note handwritten on a calendar or added in virtually. This can include time for yourself. Putting it in black and white makes the commitment more solid. Should you find yourself needing to cancel or rearrange plans with others, out of respect for them, the sooner you can let them know, the better.
Remember that you are just as important as your loved ones. Pouring into your own cup allows you to give fully when you do have interactions with them. As mentioned above, the first few times will be hard, but you’ll earn deeper respect for yourself.
What do you do when you need to say no to plans? Let us know in the comments below.
