Managing friendships in adulthood is no easy feat. My friends and I are all in different phases of life, and we don’t all share the same priorities. One of my friends has gotten married, another is living in Hawaii, and yet another friend is pursuing a master’s degree in upstate New York.
Life moves more quickly than a bullet train, but my friends and I are still there for each other through every hard moment, so I think that our friendships will last.
Here are three essential aspects of adult friendships that we should all value:
Accountability
Holding both yourself and your friends accountable is an important part of personal growth. Caring for your friends means that you sometimes need to tell them what they need to hear, not what they want to hear.
It’s just as necessary to hold yourself accountable for your actions. For instance, I tend to isolate myself, building walls so high that no one can connect with me. I know how frustrating my isolation can be and am aware of how it can erode my friendships, so I try my hardest not to isolate. It’s important to be self-aware and understand how your actions impact others. To stay strong, relationships require everyone’s effort.
Selflessness
Friendships sometimes demand acts of selflessness, both big and small. One of the best ways to be a supportive friend is to celebrate your friends’ achievements without centering yourself or comparing your successes to theirs. Whether my friends land new jobs, buy new cars, enter new relationships, or start new hobbies, I support their accomplishments and tell them how proud I am of their successes. Selflessness matters in friendships because it shows that you can put your own pride aside to celebrate your friends’ lives. Friendships are about sharing each other’s happiness — not souring the mood when you feel “behind” in life. Show your friends how much you care about their happiness so that they never feel like they have no one to celebrate their life milestones with.
Forgiveness
Forgiving others can be difficult. Some friends cut each other off, never to speak again. Some hold grudges for years. But lasting friendships prioritize forgiveness.
We all have let relationships blind us, acted in ways that don’t reflect our values, and hurt our friends, even if we didn’t mean to. We all make mistakes and have fallouts with our friends sometimes. But in strong friendships, forgiving, starting over, and moving forward is worth our time. The best friendships allow you to grow alongside your friends, but evolving as a person often requires forgiveness along the way.
As you and your friends begin to take different paths in adulthood, remember that true friends are willing to hold you accountable, celebrate your successes, and forgive your mistakes. When you live out these values in your friendships, you’ll discover which of your friendships will last a lifetime.
