What comes to mind when you think about negotiation? Is it “curiosity” and “creation”? Or “competition,” “conflict,” and “confrontation”? For many, it’s the latter, making them reticent to engage in and improve their negotiations.
While there are gender and cultural differences, negotiation is a key life and leadership skill. The reality is that we are negotiating every day. Love it or hate it, negotiation is everywhere.
Whether negotiating where to have dinner with our spouse, a fair price with a salesperson, or the terms of a new contract, we do it.
Negotiation is about exploring interests and outcomes, advocating for wants/needs, and creating something new.
Here are 10 tips for successful negotiation:
1. Preparation is non-negotiable.
The 80-20 rule applies to preparation and negotiation. Some research suggests that 80 percent of negotiators’ efforts should focus on preparation and 20 percent on execution.
When it comes to preparation, most people focus on the wrong aspects of negotiation.
Preparation starts with you. What do you want and why is this important to you? What are the different ways you can achieve this? What must you have and cannot walk away from
What is the best alternative? What leverage do you have: your value, uniqueness, irreplaceability? Preparation also involves the process: Based on your goals and what you know, how do you want or need to show up for this negotiation?
2. Empathy: Address the interests of the other side.
Identify the other party’s objective, dilemma, or problem. Understanding what they want and why it’s important to them makes all the difference in negotiating for your needs and getting others to work with you.
What’s important to them provides clues to how you can help them meet their needs, while seeking to get your needs met, too. What outcome do they want to achieve? What’s important to them about it? Don’t underestimate their need to save face in the negotiation and have some of their interests met.
3. Mutual benefit: Aim for win-win, not win-lose.
Every negotiation takes place in the context of some kind of relationship. It’s about finding common goals and getting to a successful solution that works for both parties.
It is not about attempting to lay blame; nor is it to establish right or wrong. When we connect to the other person, seeing them as a potential partner instead of an adversary/competitor/enemy, we have an opportunity to profit in our negotiation together. Win-win is about both relationships and results.
4. Use the power of inquiry and open-ended questions.
Skilled negotiators ask twice as many questions as average negotiators. Asking questions enables you to gauge how close your positions are and provides insight on them.
Open questions often start with “How,” “Why,” “If this happened,” “What if,” and “How would it work to.”
If the person is aggressive or tries to get you on the defensive (e.g., “You have no idea what you’re talking about!” or “That’s not true!”), resist engaging by counterattack. Instead, throw the challenge back by calmly asking them to explain it.
Try this: “What’s the truth as you understand it?” or “Please share your facts and your source.” Instead of deteriorating into abuse, the goal is to bring the negotiation back to a normal exchange.
5. Challenge and leverage “No.”
Sometimes we misunderstand “no,” believing it means “never” when it can simply mean “not right now,” or “no” to the specific offer being made.
There’s an opportunity to shift their perspective, understanding, or expectation by asking for what you want or offering something different. Remember, there are more alternatives to “no” than “yes.”
6. Enlarge the pie with leverage and creativity.
Think: What additional value or contribution can I offer? Explore various approaches and additional elements to strengthen your negotiation. What other options can you bring into the negotiation, such as faster delivery, or expanding the scope?
Consider who gains the visibility or publicity, and offer (or ask for) extras like training or guarantees. Is a draft report acceptable instead of a polished final product? Could extra resources help?
By presenting a range of alternative solutions, there is more likelihood of reaching a mutual agreement. Sometimes, expanding the possibilities helps the other party to recognize the potential disadvantages of not reaching a negotiated conclusion.
The more creative and flexible you are in proposing alternatives, the higher the likelihood of finding common ground.
7. Build and celebrate common ground.
Actively listen. As you listen, reflect back what you hear and summarize any areas that you and your opposite agree on. It is important to keep pointing out agreements rather than emphasizing where you differ. Every time your opposite makes a positive move in your direction, reward it by moving in their direction, to keep the positive momentum going.
8. Surface the stuck to move forward.
If the communication or negotiation gets stuck or is unsatisfactory, make it explicit (“Your tone of voice sounds angry. Am I right? How can we talk about this issue in a way that is less provocative?”). If it is not going well, communicate about the communication.
9. Manage emotion and model optimism.
Forging agreements and influencing the actions of others takes time, patience, and respect. Hang in there. Maintain a spirit of optimism and communicate this.
Optimism is the grease of good communication. If your opposite gets angry or indignant, be firm. Draw the line and do not accept any abuse. Describe the potential consequences for them of a failure to negotiate.
10. Be persistent.
Many people abandon their cause far too soon; don’t give up. Be a broken record, in the nicest way, and keep revisiting the issue. Stay enthusiastic and show how much you care.
Remember that the behavior you accept is the behavior you get, so don’t tolerate or ignore poor or unacceptable behavior. Be persistent.
Level up your negotiation skills—employ a positive, open mindset and these 10 tips to negotiate your way through life and your leadership journey.
