If there’s one thing most women can’t stand, it’s being left in the dark about where they stand with a guy. You don’t want to guess whether you’re building something real or just keeping him company until something better comes along. When you’re looking for a committed relationship, the last thing you want is someone who’s “open to commitment someday” — that’s just another way of saying not right now.
So before you fall hard for someone who might not be emotionally available, it’s worth having a real conversation. These questions aren’t about pressuring him or making things awkward — they’re about clarity. If you ask your boyfriend or the guy you’re dating these simple questions about commitment, you’ll find out exactly what he wants, how serious he is about you, and whether your relationship has long-term potential.
Before you fall hard, ask him these 10 simple questions about commitment:
1. ‘Where do you see yourself in five years?’
If he doesn’t hint at being married, you probably should find out why. This may be an indicator that he’s not interested in keeping you around for the long run.
According to dating and relationship coach Janet Ong Zimmerman, a key sign of whether someone is commitment-minded is whether they actively discuss plans with you. A marriage-minded man will be consistent with his behaviors and actions, spend time with you, make plans in advance, and, importantly, talk about your future together.
2. ‘What are your thoughts on long-term relationships and marriage?’
If you hear him saying LTRs are great, but saying that marriage is “a scam,” it’s time to bail. He’s not interested in marrying you, and trying to convince him otherwise is not a wise decision.
According to marriage and family therapist Larry Cappel, a truly commitment-phobic man has no intention of committing. Trying to convince him otherwise won’t work, and staying in hopes that he’ll change his mind will only delay your ability to find someone whose vision for the future actually aligns with yours.
3. ‘What are your plans with us?’
Sometimes, bluntness is the best route. This is particularly true if you’ve been dating for almost a year without him actually talking about engagement. If he still skirts the question, you have all the answer you need about his interest in commitment. According to relationship coach Larry Michel, asking directly about long-term commitment is essential to understanding your partner’s intentions.
The healthiest response to a direct question about the future is to have an honest conversation about compatibility and shared goals. If your partner remains noncommittal, honoring your self-worth means recognizing this as a red flag and considering whether the relationship truly aligns with your long-term desires.
4. ‘How do you feel about our relationship right now?’
If he’s really acting like he’s on the fence, this will give you a better idea of where his mind really is. He may even tell you what’s going on with the relationship that’s bothering him, and that could actually help you turn things around.
According to Dr. Diane Strachowski, a licensed psychologist, asking direct questions about how your partner feels about the relationship is crucial when navigating commitment conversations. By listening to his response without defensiveness, you gain valuable insight into whether his hesitation stems from genuine incompatibility or fears that might be addressed, ultimately helping you determine whether the relationship has real potential for growth.
5. ‘Are you actually looking for commitment?’
If you’re just starting to date, you might as well know his intentions. Many guys will be honest. If he says he’s not looking for commitment, you know where you stand.
According to dating and relationship coach Amy Schoen, marriage-minded people are honest and upfront about their intentions by the third or fourth date. By asking directly about commitment early on, you’re filtering for someone whose relationship goals align with yours, rather than wasting months or years wondering where you stand.
6. ‘When do you think someone’s ready to get married?’
This is one of those questions that is pretty hard to be subtle about, but if you are slick about how you ask it, it can reveal a lot about his intentions.
If he says a certain age, you should look at whether he’s approaching that age. If he says things that he’s already done but has shown no interest in proposing, you might have reason to be worried.
Either way, this question is a great way to learn how to know if he’s serious about commitment.
7. ‘What’s your number one priority in life?’
A man who isn’t prioritizing relationships of any sort is not a man who will likely want to marry. On the other hand, a man who prioritizes family and friends is often looking for Mrs. Right, too.
Find out what his priorities are, and find out the “why” of it all. In most cases, you’ll find out what he’s really looking for in the follow-up questions to this one.
8. ‘What do you want out of our relationship?’
This is a good question to ask six months in. If he’s just looking for a girl to have flings and fun adventures with, he’s not into marrying you. On the other hand, if he starts talking about establishing you as family and having you to come home to, it’s a good sign.
According to relationship mentor Esther Bilbao, when a man is ready for commitment, he will openly discuss his plans and wants you to be part of them. A man who only envisions casual adventures and temporary companionship won’t extend an invitation for you to fit into his future vision.
9. ‘Are most of your friends in relationships?’
Studies show that men who are surrounded by other bachelors are much less likely to wed than men who are surrounded by couples. His environment either reinforces the bachelor mentality or supports the maturity required for real commitment.
Relationship coach Debby Gullery emphasizes that readiness for commitment requires maturity, self-awareness, and the willingness to sacrifice. Healthy, successful relationships require a tremendous amount of self-awareness and maturity, with commitment readiness ultimately coming down to how mature, aware, and determined a person is.
10. ‘What are you looking for right now?’
Most men will be skittish about saying they want a short-term fling, but will use euphemisms like “see how things play out.”
They may also waffle and say “maybe a commitment… if it happens.” If they act like this, give them three months to see if he’s worth pursuing. He might be worth it.
If he’s upfront and says that he wants marriage, or if he’s upfront about not wanting marriage, listen to him. It’ll save you a lot of time and tears, I promise.
