Nobody is perfect. It could have been unintentional, but you were the target of their low moment and got wronged in the process.
You are feeling the range of lousy emotions: anger, sadness, shame, anxiety, embarrassment, regret, and might even start to slip into a depression. When someone suggests you forgive the instigator, you can’t help but reply:
- “Why should I forgive him/her/them?”
- “He/She/They don’t deserve my forgiveness”
- “I’ll never be able to forgive him/her/them for that”
- “Why should he/she/they get away with that?”
Forgiveness for their sake is misinformation
Whether it’s a stranger or a loved one, the journey to forgiveness can be long, bumpy, and slippery, but not impossible. Overall, the ability to forgive was related to better physical and mental health, and lack of forgiveness contributed towards issues such as anxiety, heart disease, diabetes, and depression. It is entirely for you, since you deserve to live peacefully and sleep well at night.
Practice forgiveness without an apology.
Your instigator might not apologize. Alternatively, you could have been ghosted, or had an incident with a stranger or with someone who is now deceased, so that “I’m sorry” will never come. Forgive them anyway.
Practice forgiveness because it frees you of negativity.
Carrying around negative emotions is like wearing a potato sack around your neck. You can’t heal if you are saddled down with negativity. Forgiveness removes that burden of heavy emotions. The instigator is living their life, unaffected by your anger and hurt, so why should you be trapped in a dark space?
Practice forgiveness because it helps you heal.
Forgiving doesn’t mean to forget, but everyone deserves to heal and move on. Healing involves confronting messy emotions, having difficult conversations, and dousing oneself with immense self-care during this vulnerable time.
How to Practice Forgiveness
Mean people usually come from a place of pain. Healthy people want to help and heal others. When well-intended people make mistakes or hurt others, they typically make amends in a timely manner.
Practice forgiveness by dumping your negative emotions.
Release those negative emotions. Whether it’s by writing in a journal, confiding in a friend, or working with a therapist, purge yourself of those toxic feelings. Holding on to negativity could ignite it into something bigger.
Practice forgiveness by empathizing with them.
When you forgive, you are not forgetting, but understanding the motivation of their actions. Understanding someone else’s perspective helps with the process of forgiveness. It does not erase anything, but gives them grace for being humans who made a mistake.
Practice forgiveness by distancing yourself from them.
You need space, time, and a break from the other person to heal. This includes staying away from their social media accounts. Forgiveness is a personal process that requires time to work through all the emotions.
At the end of the day, we are all humans who need to forgive and to be forgiven. Who do you need to forgive?
