As a neuropsychologist, I frequently have parents inform me that their child prefers to spend all their free time sitting in front of a screen rather than engaging in other, healthier play activities.
Unfortunately, this concern is often amplified in kids diagnosed with ADHD or autism spectrum disorders (Yuan et al., 2024). Far too many parents report that arguments about screen time are their most common conflict at home.
While historically, I did not believe that playing with video games or using technology is an unhealthy or problematic activity for children (although I now have increasing concerns about AI and social media tools), there is a need to balance screen-based play with other activities. There is no doubt that digital or technology-based play can become excessive for some children, particularly those who tend to over-focus on one activity or struggle with shifting attention.
However, you can use the tendency to struggle with transitions to your advantage if you can foster other play activities that match your children’s interests. While activities like art, Legos, sports, cooking, swimming, robotics, playgrounds, science experiments, action figures, and exploring nature may not have the allure of a screen, they may be just good enough to capture your child’s attention and interest.
Before we blame our kids for their fascination with screens and assume that a child who stares at a screen all day is compulsively drawn to technology, we must recognise the power and attraction to all types of screen time: short video, video games, and social media in particular. These technologies are best detailed in Adam Alter’s fascinating book, Irresistible.
Alter notes that it is incredibly difficult to disengage from screen-based activities because of their variable feedback, portability, lack of stopping cues, artificial goals, and unresolved cliffhangers. Hardware, in the form of smartphones which appear to be surgically attached to our children, makes it even more difficult to limit screen time (Alter, 2018).
How to Start Limiting Screen Time
Did I tell you that you’ll need to limit your own screen time first? Don’t talk the talk without walking the walk yourself!
I recommend that the first step is to make other play activities part of your family’s routine, such as playing a board game together, going for a hike or trip to the museum, or swimming at the local gym are regular events. In the world of endless screens, parents will absolutely need to work hard to make other play activities attractive alternatives to screen-based play.
When parents can insert other play activities into daily life at home, they help their children establish a healthy “Play Diet.” In today’s world, a healthy Play Diet includes not only digital play – like browsing the internet, using apps, or engaging with social media – but also ample physical, social, imaginative, creative, and unstructured play. Many parents will find they need to do more than buy some new art supplies, sign their child up for gymnastics class, or shuttle their kids and friends to the local skatepark to reduce their children’s engagement with digital media effectively. Parents often must set measurable expectations for other play activities, monitor social media time, and limit access to game consoles and tablet use.
5 Tips for Parents to Set Limits on Screen Time
- Screen time can nurture other healthy activities: Get your child to pursue interests in nature, sports, the arts, and other areas. If they really love screen-based technologies, use these tools to enhance these interests. Consider the concept of “Whole Play” where you leverage your child’s use of digital media to promote nonscreen activities. For example, it has been shown that children who play sports video games actually play more sports than their peers who do not play this genre of video games (Adachi & Willoughby, 2015). Another example is using the internet to nurture a love for travel by exploring the world online, or watching movies to encourage participation in theatre groups and acting.
- Work on healthy Play Diets: Instead of focusing on limiting screen time, emphasise the pleasures of non-screen time. Help your kids want to exercise, spend time outdoors, interact with friends and family, and pursue their creativity. Model and display this type of balanced Play Diet in your own life. At the same time, recognise that digital play is not bad or unhealthy for kids. We can thank technology for many of today’s 3-year-olds who know how to read, 7-year-olds who have an encyclopedic knowledge of the animal kingdom or of classic cars, 9-year-olds who are video conferencing with their grandparents, and 12-year-olds who are programming and creating apps. Engagement in digital play presents the opportunity to apply and practice executive functioning, problem-solving, and social and emotional skills. The goal isn’t to eliminate screens, but to ensure that digital and non-digital play coexist in a way that nurtures the whole child.
- Give yourself a break: Becoming overly restrictive with screen-based technologies often leads to frequent conflicts at home. It is essential to have some flexibility with screen access for the times when you’re on an extended car trip or sitting with your child in the doctor’s waiting room, where quiet, engaged attention serves everyone. These “distractions” do not need to be a video game or screen, but if giving your child some extra screen time allows you to make dinner, drive in peace, or reduce family stress, it may be the most intelligent course of action.
- Encourage better decisions about screen time: Your child must learn how to monitor their use of digital media and technology appropriately. However, many children, and particularly those who experience attention, learning, and social-emotional struggles, will need explicit instruction and monitoring around their screen time to be able to develop that skill. Regular conversations about balancing screen time with other activities are often necessary. Do not be afraid to step in and make rules when a child is not ready to make good choices on their own. Autonomy is not for young children. Parents need to be very strict when overuse and inappropriate technology use are detected, and feel justified in setting stringent limits at that point.
- Screen time limits can and should be individualised: When setting limits on digital play, consider your own values as well as your child’s individual developmental, social, psychological, and educational needs. If you are uncomfortable with games that feature fighting or shooting, it’s perfectly reasonable to restrict military and first-person shooter games. Additionally, if your child is facing academic challenges, you may want to ensure that a greater proportion of the games and technologies they use offer clear educational benefits.
Changing the Ratios of Screen Time Through a Balanced Play Diet
Concerns about excessive screen time in children, particularly in neurodivergent children such as those diagnosed with ADHD or autism spectrum disorder, are a common theme for families. In my opinion, for most kids, shifting our focus from outright restriction to fostering a balanced Play Diet is the best place to make changes. This involves strategically integrating physical, social, creative, and unstructured play into daily routines to compete with the inherent appeal of digital media. It’s important for parents to model this balance and to allow for occasional flexibility. The goal is to develop healthy screen time habits as well as to engage your child in other beneficial activities.
